I know that hitting bottom is the start of something new....

"helloooooooooooooo" I yell into the dark abyss.... It echos. There is no response. is this the bottom? Have i reached it? Surely the hole cannot continue to drop down deeper.

I don't think all this is really about the abyss... I am not even sure it's about living in Dallas or my home or my despair about losing the person with whom I had committed to live the rest of my life with.... i think it's about me not holding on. I grasp. I claw. I dig in until I feel my fingers are breaking....and yet I continue to slip.

i'm not afraid of the dark. i love it. at night when the lights and the tv finally shut off, i can take a deep breath that i cannot see the pain around me. in the dark i am not fat. in the dark i am not alone. in the dark i am not covered inside and out with scars. in the dark i can pretend that i am not the abused and neglected kid. in the dark i can be anyone i want to be.

so why not in the dark of this abyss can't i create what i want and step out into that life? i am at this dark night of the soul for a reason. draw a road map. paint a treasure map...design your future.